reflections on 17 years of marriage

A little earlier today, I tweeted a rant about my sometimes lackadaisical dear husband (aka DH). Tuesday is our 17th anniversary, which we have both referred to with all humor as 'we ain't killed each other yet day #____.'

I'm not a shopper, but try to plan for certain gift giving events such as birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, and Valentine's Day enough in advance that the DH doesn't have to wonder if he'll get somethin' besides 'The Look' from me. Sometimes it might be a burned from tee vee DVD, sometimes just a card, but I try to find some way to show on those special occasions that he's bein' thought of.

Now, last month, on the third anniversary of my 49th birthday, I got nada from him except a 'happy birthday' verbal and peck. At least it was somethin'. He said he didn't want to give me the birthday card without somethin' to go with it, so I got my birthday card on Christmas Day with my under the tree presents.

To be honest, I'd rather have gotten the card on the day of. It kinda hurt.

So for the anniversary, I already have his card and giftie together, just have to wrap appropriately (other than the bag they came with). Same for birthday.

I've had a Wallyworld gift card in my wallet since Christmas, a present from work, that was just sittin' there. In order to avoid a repeat of the birthday letdown, I gave the card to DH (in this case, DAMN husband), with the information that he could use that to get Kim Coates' newest DVD movie that is out. I also wanted a poster frame for the poster he and Theo Rossi signed for me earlier this month.

I hope to at least get the DVD and a card.

So I ranted on Twitter whether it was wrong to feel a little neglected and why. The female contingency of followers indicated not. The males stayed strangely silent. Hmmmm.

Yes, I know that he loves me. He does things for me. The element of reciprocacy is present. He also does things to piss me off royally. I do the same to him. Marriage is not about living happily ever after. Marriage is about things like consideration for the other person, supporting them, making them feel like royalty when the rest of the world treats 'em like crap. It's sharing feet and farts and good and bad. It's weathering the storms so that the good times mean that much more.

Seventeen years in this day and age damn near qualifies for a silver anniversary in days gone by. A lot of marriages end after a few weeks/months. Some don't even last a day. I've been lucky in that respect.

I don't expect moonlight and roses every day. Hell, that gets expensive. It's just nice to know that the person you love is thinkin' of ya, even if all they do is bring you a funny card, or a dandelion from the yard. It's the thought that counts.

Guess I wanna know that he's thought of me, like I think of him.

Le sigh.